Hey...are you busy?
Not too busy to reply to you ♥
What's going on?
Just...I feel lost again.
I'm really hurting.
Depression? Anxiety?
Did something happen?
No...just a random wave of sadness.
My head hurts so much. I feel like
I'm made out of lead. It hurts to move.
How can I help you, Ave? ♥
I don't know...I feel so numb. I
feel like my thoughts are slamming
against my brain.
It's loud in your mind again?
Yeah...but it's like my thoughts
are both screaming and silent.
It feels like it's all too much, and
yet nothing at all. I feel like…
hurting myself again. So I can
feel something. But I won't...but
it's all I can think about to escape
and let it out...I don't want to hurt
myself, but yet I think that I do...I feel
so confused. I'm scared...
I know you won't do anything, Ave,
but I hear you. You've always gotten
through, and you're so brave for still
being open and recognizing that you
are thinking and feeling these things.
I can come over as soon as I get off of
work, is that okay? Can you hang tight?
I don't know...I feel so lost and hopeless.
They keep wanting to come in...the bad
thoughts...It's like they're knocking at
the window in my brain, like someone is
throwing pebbles, and the glass will shatter
at any second...
Ave, if the thoughts keep hitting your
brain, then let them come in, okay? Don't
try to hide or keep them away. Let them
come in so you can deal with them, and put
them to rest. Open that window, then the glass
won't break, and it won't hurt as much. Can
you do that? I can help you, tell me what
you're thinking. I will be off in a few hours,
but I'm still here, okay?
Ave? Are you okay?
Avery...you're worrying me. Are you
still there?
Avery? Please answer your phone. I
need to know that you're safe.
I'm coming over.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Avery's chest gently rose and fell as she slept, completely wrapped up in a dream. Her phone kept buzzing urgently, but she did not stir. The snow fell silently outside of her window, the sky dimming in a dazzling display of pastel pink and purple, with just a hint of blue. It would be pitch black soon, with the full moon casting a hazy glow through the gnarled branches of the tree that grew close to her bedroom window, its shadow growing jet black.
A small thud echoed off the windowpane. It was followed by a shower of small stones that ricocheted off the side of the building. Finally, a dancing shadow filled the window, and a hand began to knock rapidly on the glass.
"Avery! Avery, wake up!"
Avery sat up in sheer terror, a scream escaping her lips. She flew from her bed and backed against the furthest wall, her green eyes wide in fear. All she saw was a sinister silhouette filling the facets of her window. Her heart beat wildly as she tried to collect her bearings.
"Avery," the voice came again, more softly this time. "It's me, it's Chase. Can you let me in? I couldn't find the key, you weren't answering your phone-"
Avery flew to the window, unlatching it and sliding it up, tears beginning to stream as she reached out and wrapped her arms around Chase.
"Hey, hey, wait," he stammered, nearly losing his balance on the tree branch he was perched on. He carefully climbed from the branch into her bedroom, her arms never leaving him.
He lowered himself to her bedroom floor, Avery only tightening her grasp. She now sobbed, her chest heaving with her cries as she attempted to speak around her weeping.
"You scared me nearly half to death."
"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to. You scared me, too, I was so worried," Chase whispered, hugging her close. "I didn't know if you were okay. I couldn't reach you, I couldn't find your extra key, I didn't know where you were..."
He held her close as she cried. The obsidian sky now filled the open window with an inky presence, the snowflakes floating into the room, the moon lilting its speechless night song.
Avery's crying slowed as she calmed down. Her ear was pressed to Chase's chest, and his heartbeat provided a steady rhythm that made her relax. Chase's chin rested on top of her head, and he felt her releasing her urgent grip.
He gently pulled her back from him, holding her at arm's length so he could look her in the eyes.
"You okay now?" he asked, smiling softly.
She nodded, wiping her tears, her mind fully quiet now. No intruding thoughts. No screaming silence. No desire or need to hurt.
She let out a deep sigh, her chest no longer racking with shuddering sobs.
The snowflakes danced around Chase, and the moon shone around his form, a calming contrast of black sky and white moonlight, and she finally was able to smile, just a slight crescent on her face.
"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for coming to find me."
He smiled, helping her off the floor and back into her bed, nestling her under the soft covers.
"Always, Ave," he murmured. "I'll always come find you."
He stayed with her until she fell asleep, and then quietly made his exit through the window, drawing the shades before closing it behind him. The pebbles he had thrown littered the snow and glimmered near the base of the tree. He climbed down and stooped, picking a couple up to examine. They were just ordinary stones, nothing special. However, he slipped them into his pocket before crunching down the snow-covered sidewalk to his car.
He would bring them back to her tomorrow in a little glass jar labeled "Avery's Thoughts." They would serve as a reminder that she did have control over those intrusive and painful anxieties, and whenever she felt that they were knocking against her mind, she could remove the pebbles from the little jar, roll them around in her hands, and know that she wasn't alone, that she was safe, and that she was being thought of by her big brother, who would always come find her, even if it was pitch dark in her mind and heart.
♥
Comments
Post a Comment